The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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