I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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