Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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