so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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