Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
