I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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