Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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