You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
