I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
