she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
