Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
