so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
