Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
