You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
