Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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