i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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