I like to think it a success when the cops are called
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
