my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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