I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
