She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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