Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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