i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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