It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
