They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
