you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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