Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
