how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
