ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
