I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
