Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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