In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
