All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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