What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
