my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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