Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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