Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
