Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
