Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
All the doctor said was why
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
