college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
