I want to make a zoo with you.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
