i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
