I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
