VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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