went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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