Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs

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(317): View more from Indiana

I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.

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(434): View more from Virginia

At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still

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(847): View more from Illinois

Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa

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(705): View more from Ontario

i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away

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(917): View more from New York City

She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.

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(410): View more from Maryland

The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?

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