Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
