He felt like a one man threesome
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
