pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
