Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
