i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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