Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
