i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
