u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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