4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
