Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
