i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
