the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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