Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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