Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
