i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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