i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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