I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
