the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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