We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
