one two three fourrrrnication!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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