Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize