I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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