I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
