i think my tv is drunk
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
