Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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