I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
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