I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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