Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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